Truth can hurt.....but lies destroy

Why are so many people two-faced? Is it because they think they will hurt someone if they speak the truth? or is it that they find it embasrrassing to say what they think? but if the same people then go and say something different to other people what does that make them? Dishonest, two-faced, liars, I find these pathetic unprincipled people despicable, and what's more I am not afraid to tell them so!
I am a dealer in the truth, however unsavoury, upsetting or hurtful it may be. I don't want to be false. I believe the only way to live properly is by walking the path of truth and it is not always easy but at least everyone knows where they stand with me. Of course people have the right to do with this what they wish and if they don't like it, it is THEIR problem. I only ask for them to be honest with me so I know where I stand.
In my line of work I need to be honest with my clients and it is through my challenging of them and their thoughts and feelings that therapy is achieved.
I have to be honest with my family otherwise how could they ever trust me? My friends know and appreciate that they can trust whatever I say to them and that they could not have a more loyal and faithful person at their side. If I did not feel honest I would consider myself without honour and I could not live in peace and harmony with the world like that.

Awareness......

I was thinking today about the passing of the Season, it's most certainly Autumn now but it's not just the colder more blustery wet weather that makes this apparent to me. Something stirs inside me and I find myself shopping for tins of food, stocking up the cupboards and freezer with ingredients for good wholesome casseroles, making sure we have plenty of logs stacked and stored ready for the cold nights that are to come, and as I make these preparations I get sort of excited knowing that I shall be prepared even if we were to be snowed in for a couple of weeks (not that it has ever happened here in Northampton). I find it increasingly harder to get out of bed in the mornings, maybe because it's still dark but I know from experience as Autumn fades into Winter there will be many cold mornings in the depth of the Winter that I won't want to get up, not just because of the cold but I feel more tired like I could stay cocooned in my duvet for days at a time. Of course, I never give in to this, I can't as I have my dogs and family to look after, not to mention work to go to. When I'm out with the dogs and on my way to work I find a sense of exhileration in the biting wind and the crisp frost beneath my feet. Then when I look around me I see that the squirrels and rabbits, hedgehogs and other small mammals have made the same preparations and being able to follow their natural instincts, have gone into hibernation. So why should we be amazed at these instinctive feelings? we are also mammals with instincts that we ought to trust and instead of smothering them we should try to tune into them more to be more aware..........

Living in the present

I just wrote the description of my Blog and it dawned on me that maybe some people out there are not aware of what is meant by living in the present or 'living in the now'. So many people you know are either living in the past with "we used to..........", "if only it was.................", "I wish it was..........", etc., or living in the future, how many people do you hear saying "in 6 weeks I'll be..........", "after I come back off holiday I'm going to........", "After next Christmas........", etc., etc. So where does that leave us? It leaves us in a kind of limbo, we're so busy looking back or looking forward that our present life passes us by almost without us noticing. Then all of a sudden the realisation that more years are behind us than we have left to go sort of pops up like some gruesome Jack-in-the-box and it becomes important to try and slow it all down so that we can get the best out of our time in this life.
There's a saying that 'the older you get, the faster time flies', but I think it's more a case of our perception of time is changing because even young people are saying that time seems to be passing more quickly. I don't know about you but it seems as soon as Christmas is over it's Easter, then summer holidays, and then before you know it the shops are stocking Christmas stuff and we've come full circle.
So how can we live in the present and slow it all down? Start by noticing things around you where you are, too often we lose ourselves in everyday routine, you get in a car and how many times have you got almost to your destination without realising the journey you've been on? It's scary, its almost like being hypnotised, of course if anything serious had happened you would react immediately and you would be catapaulted into the present but why should it take a near accident to make you start living in the present?
Start enjoying life a bit more, you take the dog out? - take time to look at nature around you. If you feel there isn't enough time for things, allow more time to do them, start out earlier or rearrange your days. Whatever doesn't get done will be there tomorrow to do, nothing is as important as your relationships, take time to let your loved ones know how much they mean to you, I'm sorry to say that we just don't know how long we have to live, don't ever leave it too late to say "I love you" to those you love. You will never regret saying it - you might regret NOT saying it.

Dentist!

My daughter very kindly offered to give me lifts to and from work today, (this happens quite often if she is on an afternoon/evening shift) it saves me £7.00 in parking fees per day and also while I was on Taxi duty before the kids could drive I warned each of them that 'payback' would be required one day. I was always as benevolent as a regular Mafia Godfather(mother), "of course I am pleased to do this thing for you my son/daughter, one day I will call on you to do something for me" - the words within quotations being said with heavy Italian accent. It's great, they never moan about it and I really appreciate it. Anyway, I digress, this morning my daughter asked me if I would accompany her to the dentist after work which I did naturally. We found that before she could even book an appointment she would have to pay £43 odd and it wasn't possible for her to see the dentist she has had for years because the treatment she needs would cost £300!!! On enquiring, he has given up NHS work and so refuses to do her Root Canal work, she had to be transferred to another dentist who will take on NHS work!!! We tried to book an appointment (don't forget she has just paid for the treatment and incidentally she's in pain) and they said it can't be done before the end of November!!!
We were not happy with this state of affairs and the daughter's temper was becoming frayed, I know better than to muscle in and take over so let her sort it out for herself, I was there for any support (moral or otherwise) that was needed. She managed admirably (go girl!), we left the surgery with an appointment for 08.50 the next morning and I am reassured once more how capable and independent my offspring are and I feel so proud of them and how they have turned out.
It makes me happy to know they would be okay if, for whatever reason (God forbid!), I wasn't around anymore. I just love them so much but in loving them so intensely I have to be careful to allow them to lead their own lives, make their own choices and more importantly make their own mistakes. They all know I am here and support them every step of the way and they are not afraid to follow their dreams wherever they may take them.

Mid-life Crisis? Nah, just another rite of passage.....

I really have a problem 'acting my age', I mean what is a 50something year old supposed to act like? When I was in my 20's I think I thought being anything over 35 was like the beginning of the end. In fact I can remember having a good friend and colleague at work when I was 20 who was 10 years older than me, we lived in Germany at the time, and I remember saying to hubby that I was surprised to hear she went to disco's (clubbing) because I thought she was past it!!! When I think back I can hardly believe how idiotic that was of me.

So, here I am at 54 and wondering what people expect of me. Not that it would matter that much I just think it would be interesting to know what others feel I should be behaving like. I know how I feel and the fact that I didn't get tattooed until I was 50 and now I have 8 tattoos (and more planned), it's so addictive. I have my music on loud and I often drive too fast. I think I am probably growing old DISgracefully. Perhaps I should be described as eccentric? That seems to be a way of being accepted by most and you know what? Quite honestly I don't give a rat's arse what people think because I am happy with me, in fact I lurve me and THAT is all that really matters.

We are all self-responsible, so the only person you need to ask for approval is yourself. If you find you don't like something about yourself there are two things you can do about it (as I'm always telling my clients); you can either change whatever it is about yourself if you don't like it OR......you ACCEPT it about yourself and love yourself anyway. No one has the right to force change on another person.

Weekends

Another weekend is upon us. I've just bid my sons Bon voyage as they are off to North Cyprus for a week and I am waiting for my daughter to pop in on her way to work. I also have my nephew and his wife coming this afternoon as we shall be taking them out to dinner tonight to a lovely little Turkish restaurant in town. We have become sort of surrogate parents to my nephew who is so much like my own son its scary. His father (hubby's bro), is not a very nice man and certainly doesn't appreciate what treasure he has in his own children or grandchildren. How can a person put money over their kid? It's one of those things I shall never understand but I can do nothing about, the only thing I can do is to ensure my nephew how much he is loved by others in the family, particularly us. I am not going to even try to be a substitute for his parents but my heart is big enough to hold him in alongside my own kids.
Just over a year ago a tragedy occurred and we lost his brother who unbeknown to us was in such a dark place that he took his own life, this was such a massive thing no one in the family failed to be devastated. If only...., if only...., of course if only doesn't exist but you would think the man would learn from his mistakes and start loving his surviving kids but that hasn't happened, he's still as mean and self centred as before blaming everyone and everything but himself.

Kaiser

This is Kaiser, he's Rosie's toy boy. He's only two and a half but towers over Rosie as he's a bit of a bruiser. His nature is as soppy and daft as anything and we often say he is a Labrador in a rottie's coat! But he has a low gruff voice which combined with his size is more than enough to keep villains at bay. We often wonder how with his head being twice that of Rosie's his brain is painfully obviously only the size of a walnut at times - the penny drops like way after his mate's sussed it all out an gone off with his ball, toy, chew (as well a her own!) and of course then won't allow him anywhere near......such is life in a rottie household. He loves it of course being dominated by such a princess and he rarely gets the better of her. Lovely boy, perfect ambassador for the breed though suffers from OCD - Nooooo, not obsessive compulsive disorder! His elbows are effected and are somewhat arthritic so he walks with a bit of a stilted gait. Our dogs are as precious to us as our kids, but I'm a responsible dog owner and so I don't allow them in the same room as my grandchildren - just in case! They are dogs, I have no illusions and children can be prone to shrieking at times which could trigger deep rooted instincts - a mistake by a rottie is too massive to allow so i just make sure there is never an opportunity.

Rosie

This is This is Rosie (rottie princess), she is 7 years old and second to none. She is reserved, calm and protective when necessary. She is very intelligent and a sheer joy to be with. We are so proud to be her people and only hope that she feels the same about us.

First

21/09/2009 This being my first offering, I was of course, totally unsure of everything about my blog - I mean I knew what sort of thing I want to present but after setting up my Blogspace I'm exhausted from all the rapid (relatively) decisions I was forced to make - so the first offering will probably be shorter giving me time for 'r & r' (rest & recouperation) before attempting to share more of my ramblings.

I guess a brief intro to me and my life may be appropriate. So, I am a 20something 54 year old psychotherapist, ex hippy wildchild of the '60's, mother of 3 who have (thankfully and finally) flown the nest leaving hubby and me and the 2 dogs home alone! Am I suffering from 'empty nest syndrome'? the hell I am! No, I LOVE it, we can do whatever we want whenever we want to - Noooo, I'm not referring to THAT! I mean the wonderful sense of freedom we have to eat what we want, when we want, to wash-up last thing at night and not have the sink piled high with 9 mugs, 4 dinner plates, 3 cereal dishes, numerous items of cutlery and each piece unique with once edible matter in various stages decay. Not to mention piping hot water ANYTIME, clean towels, being able to hear the TV without resorting to lip reading, phonecalls actually for us and being on talking terms with the neighbours again after years of sneaking out of the house so as to avoid confrontation over; noise or parking.

Now, don't get me wrong, I love my offspring more than anything in the world but I love them as the independent adults that they have become, I am proud of the result of our hard work as parents and I applaud their wonderful sense of individuality none afraid to stand up and be counted for their principles.



I fail to understand parents (particularly mums) who won't allow their children to make their own decisions. I shall of course always support ours in whtever they want to do regardless of my own feelings, one thing I always say is 'have no regrets, there are no mistakes, only learning curves'.