Last Friday (14th) the daughter and I travelled by coach to Cologne in Germany to visit the delightful Christmas Market there. This was not our first trip there, in fact it was our third, but I am determined never to go again by coach again. Time is a great healer and my memory must have dimmed about the last two trips. Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about Germany or Cologne or the Hotel or indeed the markets, in fact as you will see by the next few posts I can't speak highly enough of Germany, the people, Hotel, food and not least the Gluhwein!!! No, it's the coach trip experience that I have 'beef' with.
We boarded our coach at 09.40 on 14th at a pick up bus stop near home, no probs. The crew were not very friendly (Scottish - that's certainly not why) but of course it was a 'feeder' coach so the crew didn't HAVE to be nice to us as we were not the ones who would be giving any tips to them. It was cramped and we were only offered one drink in the 3 hour journey down to Dover. The lack of leg room was really annoying but I'd upgraded us for the main journey so I wasn't too worried.
The reason we had travelled by coach was because I thought it would be good for the daughter and me to have some good bonding time together as what with work and life in general we rarely spend much time with each other without anyone else around. Anyway we were both really enthusiastic about the trip. We arrived in Dover at the designated time and without probs. We then transferred to our main trip coach and boarded the ferry on that with our new crew who were far friendlier (Scottish - I told you so!!!) and had an uneventful ferry ride to Calais, where we disembarked on the main body of the journey to our Hotel in Cologne (Germany).
About 10 minutes into the drive on the other side one of the crew decided to go through some 'rules' whilst on the coach, the main of which were sensible health and safety matters and perfectly understood. However, (you knew this was coming didn't you?) it seems our crew were not happy if anyone wanted wanted to make use of the onboard WC...... he explained that we would be given the chance to visit the loo's on various scheduled stops and we were told in no uncertain terms that we were to make use of the toilets there so that we didn't need to 'go' on the coach. He saw people look around at each other and then said it would be ok IF it was a DIRE emergency and someone COULDN'T wait any longer BUT whilst depositing 'coffee' was frowned upon, 'Do'nuts' would HAVE to be saved for the next scheduled stop.
By this time I was wondering whether I or my fellow passengers would have to stick their hands up IF they wanted to 'go', or if we would have to resort to a 'special forces' type operation.
We were offered a drink and of course I don't think I was the only one wondering if I should forego my hot chocolate this time round in case I'd need to 'GO'! I felt myself and the other passengers were experiencing obsessive thoughts about our basic bodily waste management. Suddenly a passenger stood up, two seats in front, there was an almost audible s.i.o.b. (sharp intake of breath) by an elderly lady opposite which she deftly turned into a coughing fit, but it was a false alarm because the chap reached up into the overhead area and got a book from his bag. Then a couple got out of their seats and headed towards the rear of the vehicle and sat in the lounge area there (I suspect only so they got a better view of who would be using the loo!).
A northern bloke a few seats behind belched every now and then, it wasn't very nice and I wondered how his wife stood for his rude and embarassing behaviour. I could only be glad that it wasn't issuing out from the other end - but then I guess I couldn't really know if it was!
A couple of rows behind them was a rather 'posh' couple and their daughter. The woman had such a loud voice and we were privvy to most of her conversation, about how fortunate they were that their daughter had broken up from her 'private' school and so was able to partake of the trip whilst mo0st other children were still at school, and how she was going to have to look out her breadmaker again as she didn't think she could survive Christmas without 'proper' bread (?)
An elderly lady in front got up, she manouvered into the aisle and headed toward the rear, then I noticed the red 'engaged' light at the front of the bus above the driver, I wondered whether she hadn't heard and also if the crew had noticed...... after she returned to her seat two more got up and followed suit. The passengers seemed to take on an air of relief, people chatted, sounding relaxed, I forgot I was wondering IF I wanted to 'go' and knew that I didn't really it had just been a bit of mass hysteria setting in.
A services break was announced, for which I was quite pleased, when as we were driving in 'burping Billy' got up and went into the onboard loo! Surely he could have waited two more minutes? but I rather think it was by design because after our 30 mins there we'd only just started off again when he 'went' again. I had an uncomfortable thought about 'what if...' the crew challenged him over his behaviour? But then of course they surely wouldn't do that and risk a 'do nut' deposit, or?......
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