It appears that I have neglected to write my blog for around a year so here goes I am promising, dear Reader that I shall be more conscientious in future as I do have more time now as you will soon see....
The year of 2011 went by marked mainly by treachery and betrayal - I was dealt some severe and massively wounding blows by a couple of people I had held close to me and so of course I had left my heart unprotected which proved to be a mistake that would have repercussions probably for the rest of my life....as they say, 'everything happens for a reason...' and believe me I have searched long and hard for the reason behind the knives that were so violently thrust in between my shoulder blades, the scars from these will never fade so deep have been the wounds. My world has been rocked, shaken to the core and if you think that this sounds dramatic so be it dearest Reader, I can only tell you how it felt for me.
At the very beginning of the year I lost my dearest companion, my beloved dog Rosie who was my most faithful girl and for whom I shall always weep, she was indeed a most special, loving, intelligent and brave dog, how I miss her and always will..
I took on more work and trying desperately to keep the Rape Crisis centre open and ticking over I worked often 60 hours a week, laid awake many nights worrying about it all and how I could keep it afloat as a colleague was leaving more and more of the work for me to pick up and in the background was trying to distance me from the others there so that she could home in on the position she had set her sights on. Yes, how stupid of me to trust her I hear you mutter and of course you are right but that has always been a fault of mine, what you see is what you get, I wear my heart on my sleeve and I treat people as though they possessed the same qualities as I do. How wrong I was, I know this now. My partner warned me against this but chose not to take heed and so I was very badly bitten.
Due to this psychological trauma I found my life was thrown into a very uncomfortable dilemma where I was suddenly experiencing insecurity issues in every aspect of my life, I was beset by panic attacks where I could no longer trust my decisions, indeed I wondered if I was fit to do anything at all at times and all the time I tried to keep the worst of it away from my partner who was a great support to me and my family who had no conception of what effects I had been left with. I began having anti-work feelings on an almost phobic level, I became a shadow of myself there and was being bullied by work colleagues who like pack animals ganged together to eradicate the weakest member of the pack.
My worst fears were realised just before last Christmas when I was given notice of my redundancy. What would I do, how would I live, earn money etc, what on earth would become of me? I was again catapaulted into the realms of the unknown but happily dear Reader I have to say that as it happens it has been one of the best things to have happened to me... I would never have given my notice and left work and of course without that money coming in things will undoubtedly get tough once the redundancy money runs out but it's mid May and I'm happier than I have been in the last 4 years!! I am looking for work of course but don't feel any tremendous urgency over the search, I am enjoying the sensation of 'chilling out' of not having to work to deadlines and attend meetings and wonder where funds are going to come from. I am concentrating on me :) and loving every minute of it.
I have been advised to write a book and I am seriously considering this as my life has been anything but mundane! Would it make good reading dear Reader? well, I'd have to leave that up to you I think. I shall try to make more regular entries to this blog first of all while I plan out the sections of my book.
Meanwhile I am happy, I am settled, I am in love and I am loved, how much better can it get I wonder? Well, I guess if I had an income it would enhance things a little but on the subject of the most important things in life I would say I have got it all :)
Until next time dearest Reader, I respectfully take my leave.....adieu xx
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