Good evening,
It is very nearly that time again...just one more day to go and we shall be saying farewell to 2013 and Hellllooooo to 2014!!
2013 has been quite an eventful year - a year in which I found permanent employment with a pension scheme (obvs not in the 3rd Sector). I have a gorgeous VW camper van again which I adore. My lady and I are I believe more solid with each other than ever before and have been together as 'an item' over 5 years now. My mother moved from Surrey up to Northampton (something she said she would never do!!) and what's more she is very happy here in her lovely bungalow. My daughter has found the real love of her life, a very lovely and caring young man whom we all love (yep, including her brothers'). My eldest has changed his job after being headhunted to one with a far higher salary and my younger son has overcome difficulties with his lady and seems to be 'on track' for a secure relationship with her, she really is the only one I have known him to love so intensely. He has also given us some wonderful news today which proves that true justice can be achieved through the power of positive thought. Following on from that I have found the secret to a successful life using many Buddhist based beliefs and being proactive in creating positive energy to put out into the world to stimulate the universal law of attraction.
What a year dear Reader, we had a real Summer, yes a REAL Summer, hot weather, gorgeous times AND the WInter (so far) has been very kind to us, not too cold, in fact rather mild for the season....no snow (yet!) I have had an op to help my toes and they are healing nicely and will be great for next Summer and flip flops etc.
WOW!! am I grateful?? You bet your bottom dollar I am. I am grateful for absolutely everything in my life and show me anything you want and I will find a positive in it. I am excited about the possibilities that all of this has opened up for me/us. Of course I am trying to educate as I go along and my lovely lady who can also do with more positive influence in her life is trying to achieve this also....so on to next year 2014 and we shall start with a New Year dinner that I shall be putting on for my lot on 1st January 2014.
I am thankful for everything, and I love absolutely everything, loving the St. Francis prayer....
Monday, 30 December 2013
Thursday, 26 December 2013
Boxing Day 2013 Blogging....
Merry Boxing Day dear Reader!!
Soooo, all over for another year then....we spent yesterday with the general theme surrounding indulgence.....earlydoors my lovely Lady and I exchanged our gifts and as usual after promising each other we won't go overboard each year, we both did again, lol Then sadly, we went our own ways, me to my family, her to her sister's place. One day I hope we shall be able to share these special times together....
When I got to my mother's I spent the next 4 hours preparing and cooking the festive meal and we sat down at 3.20pm to eat. All that time spent preparing and cooking and then in the space of about 15 minutes everyone was totally stuffed full of turkey and all the trimmings and just about managing to roll away from the table, almost crawling quite bloated into the lounge to watch the Christmas TV offering. I think we stayed on ITV until Eastenders but then recorded Downton (ITV) to watch afterwards.
All in all a lovely day was had by all, relaxed happy, jovial times, no pressure, no rows just times for good memories to be laid down within the confines of our minds.....
Today is Boxing Day, the day after the event and we were scheduled to go and see the Morris Men dancing in Moulton (a nearby local village) as is our family tradition but shortly before setting off I decided that my foot would be adversely affected by all the standing around and then we had a call from one of the clan to say that my eldest son and family would not be able to make it after all due to a serious accident taking place just outside their house where they had to get an air ambulance to pick the poor person up who sustained open fractures after being knocked off his bike by a car at the junction. My daughter-in-law by all accounts is very shaken up. They have had to give statements to the police about it all and we are waiting for them to get here so that we can again eat the traditional Boxing Day meal.
Here we go again dear Reader, here we go again........
Soooo, all over for another year then....we spent yesterday with the general theme surrounding indulgence.....earlydoors my lovely Lady and I exchanged our gifts and as usual after promising each other we won't go overboard each year, we both did again, lol Then sadly, we went our own ways, me to my family, her to her sister's place. One day I hope we shall be able to share these special times together....
When I got to my mother's I spent the next 4 hours preparing and cooking the festive meal and we sat down at 3.20pm to eat. All that time spent preparing and cooking and then in the space of about 15 minutes everyone was totally stuffed full of turkey and all the trimmings and just about managing to roll away from the table, almost crawling quite bloated into the lounge to watch the Christmas TV offering. I think we stayed on ITV until Eastenders but then recorded Downton (ITV) to watch afterwards.
All in all a lovely day was had by all, relaxed happy, jovial times, no pressure, no rows just times for good memories to be laid down within the confines of our minds.....
Today is Boxing Day, the day after the event and we were scheduled to go and see the Morris Men dancing in Moulton (a nearby local village) as is our family tradition but shortly before setting off I decided that my foot would be adversely affected by all the standing around and then we had a call from one of the clan to say that my eldest son and family would not be able to make it after all due to a serious accident taking place just outside their house where they had to get an air ambulance to pick the poor person up who sustained open fractures after being knocked off his bike by a car at the junction. My daughter-in-law by all accounts is very shaken up. They have had to give statements to the police about it all and we are waiting for them to get here so that we can again eat the traditional Boxing Day meal.
Here we go again dear Reader, here we go again........
Tuesday, 24 December 2013
A Very Merry Christmas....
A very Merry Christmas to one and all
I have just finished work and want to wish anyone out there a wonderful Christmas, not everyone will be able to be with family and friends, not everyone who IS with family and friends will be having a good time, it is sometimes difficult if relations are strained within families. But I love this time of year and am looking forward to sharing it with my lot, the only ones missing will be my lovely lady and the kids, this is a great shame as it is indeed a time for caring and sharing and I do so want them to have good memories as they grow older, I hope they will at least be able to spend part of the time with us playing some games and generally enjoying the festive spirit around. We shall see, it will be different I'm sure once we get our own place so we should be able to spend it together then with visitors coming to us to share it.
Work over for me for a few days so looking forward to a bit of a rest too. The weather at the moment is not too bad though we had a bad storm last night and apparently another is on the way which is causing some chaos on the roads and by rail also air travel has been affected.
Just a short one today so again Merry Christmas Ho Ho Ho!! Love to all xxx
I have just finished work and want to wish anyone out there a wonderful Christmas, not everyone will be able to be with family and friends, not everyone who IS with family and friends will be having a good time, it is sometimes difficult if relations are strained within families. But I love this time of year and am looking forward to sharing it with my lot, the only ones missing will be my lovely lady and the kids, this is a great shame as it is indeed a time for caring and sharing and I do so want them to have good memories as they grow older, I hope they will at least be able to spend part of the time with us playing some games and generally enjoying the festive spirit around. We shall see, it will be different I'm sure once we get our own place so we should be able to spend it together then with visitors coming to us to share it.
Work over for me for a few days so looking forward to a bit of a rest too. The weather at the moment is not too bad though we had a bad storm last night and apparently another is on the way which is causing some chaos on the roads and by rail also air travel has been affected.
Just a short one today so again Merry Christmas Ho Ho Ho!! Love to all xxx
Friday, 20 December 2013
Update...
Hello dear Reader,
I have managed to work the past 4 days without too many problems :D at least my money will be back on track for next month hopefully anyway.
It is the Christmas party for work tonight and I am not attending as I am concerned my foot could possibly be in danger of being trodden on and besides I am not really feeling very lively although I would normally have enjoyed an evening with my colleagues. So I was brought back to my mother's place this evening and was faced (yet again) with egg and bacon, I had thought we might have something a little more substantial as I was quite hungry but I guess as the saying goes 'beggars can't be choosers eh?' well that's certainly right in this case so no point in complaining really. Got to get off that miserable horse and flag down and get on a happy one that may come galloping past soon (pleeeeeeeze)!
One of my colleagues gave me a card yesterday and then said to me that she was sorry to have written just my name on it as though many are aware that we are a couple she wasn't sure if I wanted our names to appear together on cards. I told her it was fine and not to apologise, I thought it was quite funny really. When I told my lady she was not so tickled by the news and I have come to the conclusion the whole reason for her worry about it all is down to her sister's opinion. I'm actually not quite sure why this has so much sway over her but she does seem to allow her to control her happiness/sadness a great deal. At one time she was strong enough to stand up to her sister but this has taken more than a few steps backwards of late, not quite sure why. Possibly needs a proper showdown to clear the air between them.
So I am having some time to wrap all my presents up and get everything ready for Christmas. Not sure of the arrangements yet as my deal Lady hasn't told me yet for sure IF she is coming or not - a little unfair I hear you say, yep seeing as I need to get the shopping in for everyone and an extra 3 will make a bit of difference to the shopping - one thing I hate is not having enough for everyone so I guess I will shop to include them and if they don't come we will just have extra. I don't think she is doing it on purpose I just think it is her classic avoidance of a situation that she would prefer not to face.......
After this week of having to rely on others for lifts etc I can't wait to get back to driving again so that I don't feel so dependent on people. Just want to have a normal sized foot again and looking forward to having straight and painless toes without bleeding corns that control my choice of shoes so much.
I have managed to work the past 4 days without too many problems :D at least my money will be back on track for next month hopefully anyway.
It is the Christmas party for work tonight and I am not attending as I am concerned my foot could possibly be in danger of being trodden on and besides I am not really feeling very lively although I would normally have enjoyed an evening with my colleagues. So I was brought back to my mother's place this evening and was faced (yet again) with egg and bacon, I had thought we might have something a little more substantial as I was quite hungry but I guess as the saying goes 'beggars can't be choosers eh?' well that's certainly right in this case so no point in complaining really. Got to get off that miserable horse and flag down and get on a happy one that may come galloping past soon (pleeeeeeeze)!
One of my colleagues gave me a card yesterday and then said to me that she was sorry to have written just my name on it as though many are aware that we are a couple she wasn't sure if I wanted our names to appear together on cards. I told her it was fine and not to apologise, I thought it was quite funny really. When I told my lady she was not so tickled by the news and I have come to the conclusion the whole reason for her worry about it all is down to her sister's opinion. I'm actually not quite sure why this has so much sway over her but she does seem to allow her to control her happiness/sadness a great deal. At one time she was strong enough to stand up to her sister but this has taken more than a few steps backwards of late, not quite sure why. Possibly needs a proper showdown to clear the air between them.
So I am having some time to wrap all my presents up and get everything ready for Christmas. Not sure of the arrangements yet as my deal Lady hasn't told me yet for sure IF she is coming or not - a little unfair I hear you say, yep seeing as I need to get the shopping in for everyone and an extra 3 will make a bit of difference to the shopping - one thing I hate is not having enough for everyone so I guess I will shop to include them and if they don't come we will just have extra. I don't think she is doing it on purpose I just think it is her classic avoidance of a situation that she would prefer not to face.......
After this week of having to rely on others for lifts etc I can't wait to get back to driving again so that I don't feel so dependent on people. Just want to have a normal sized foot again and looking forward to having straight and painless toes without bleeding corns that control my choice of shoes so much.
Monday, 16 December 2013
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy....
Oh yes dear Reader,
I have been signed back fit for work as from tomorrow - Yayy!! This was not without its own difficulty I have to add as the Consultant was umming and ahhing over my request :( wanted to know why I would want to go back to work 3 weeks early and especially as it was over the Christmas holiday too! I told him it was quite a simple matter for me the main reason being a financial one! I guess this is probably an odd thing for him to have thought of with his salary, he looked at me and then his look changed into one of understanding? No, sympathy? No, more like a bit of a patronising look and then he said "Oh yes of course" and then gave me a condition that if I did not follow this then he would not give me the certificate - it was that my foot has to stay elevated properly and I must not walk around much :(. He said he will then see me in 3 weeks when, hopefully the boot can be discarded and I might be able to get a wide shoe on, he said it will be a good 3 months before it goes down to its normal size so I imagine I'll be popping down to Brantanos in March time :).
Back at my partner's place now and she has the honour of taxiing me back and forth to work - just as well we work at the same place eh? lol, I'm sure she doesn't mind (leastways I hope she won't). For better or for worse as the saying goes.....
I had my nails done this morning ready for Christmas and New Year and my hair this afternoon so that's all good too. Hospital booked for the 7th January which is the 3 weeks and then I should be freeeeeeeeeeee.
Listening to the soundtrack of Pulp Fiction in the car and I just lurve the track 'If love is a Red Dress' it's right up my street, I just love singing that New Orleans type stuff loved the track Black Velvet too and I am learnig the words to the Pulp Fiction one - I want to sing it to my lovely Lady and get her all weak at the knees......
I have been signed back fit for work as from tomorrow - Yayy!! This was not without its own difficulty I have to add as the Consultant was umming and ahhing over my request :( wanted to know why I would want to go back to work 3 weeks early and especially as it was over the Christmas holiday too! I told him it was quite a simple matter for me the main reason being a financial one! I guess this is probably an odd thing for him to have thought of with his salary, he looked at me and then his look changed into one of understanding? No, sympathy? No, more like a bit of a patronising look and then he said "Oh yes of course" and then gave me a condition that if I did not follow this then he would not give me the certificate - it was that my foot has to stay elevated properly and I must not walk around much :(. He said he will then see me in 3 weeks when, hopefully the boot can be discarded and I might be able to get a wide shoe on, he said it will be a good 3 months before it goes down to its normal size so I imagine I'll be popping down to Brantanos in March time :).
Back at my partner's place now and she has the honour of taxiing me back and forth to work - just as well we work at the same place eh? lol, I'm sure she doesn't mind (leastways I hope she won't). For better or for worse as the saying goes.....
I had my nails done this morning ready for Christmas and New Year and my hair this afternoon so that's all good too. Hospital booked for the 7th January which is the 3 weeks and then I should be freeeeeeeeeeee.
Listening to the soundtrack of Pulp Fiction in the car and I just lurve the track 'If love is a Red Dress' it's right up my street, I just love singing that New Orleans type stuff loved the track Black Velvet too and I am learnig the words to the Pulp Fiction one - I want to sing it to my lovely Lady and get her all weak at the knees......
Sunday, 15 December 2013
Christmas is just 10 days away ....
Good morning,
Yes, another Christmas is almost upon us and am I ready for it? Am I heck! I can never seem to get organised enough to have everything over and done with before the 23rd Dec.
:( and yet my lady has got all her stuff done and ready which is a first from her as far as I know...well done to her I admire her skills and to be sure I shall get all my stuff ready before the event next year (I seem to remember saying that last year, and the year before lol). No, I shall actually make it one of my resolutions this year, as I am usually quite good at keeping my New Year resolutions.
Being so near to Christmas of course the X factor has very nearly played out and as usual the clear choice of talent has been superseded by Eurovision like political voting tactics. Last night it was Scotland that was called on to vote for one of their own, who incidentally has been coached in the Connery voice lisp which actually sounds quite ridiculous in one so young. He is no more than a child who will go through untold damage if he wins the competition, but then neither of the contestants left are suitable winning material - the boy due to his weak vocals and the woman, though undoubtedly possessing a truly remarkable voice and vocal range, due to her commitments to her very young children who will be neglected if she wins. Once again dear Reader another case of damage. The one who was the best suited to go through, the mature lad who would be able to take the fame in his stride and has not appeared too nervous but in fact has excelled under the pressure, was voted out during the tactical farce that went on last night. We shall see how it pans out - another Susan Boyle catastrophe in the offing??
Back to the hospital tomorrow to have my stitches removed at last :) then back to work on Tuesday all being well. When I went to the Docs on Friday to get my further course of antibiotics I was told that the reason I have been so poorly is that I had systemic blood poisoning! and that I was lucky not to have ended up in hospital on a drip!! Jeeze how easily these things can happen eh? Thank goodness I am ok now, I do have to say that not just because of my positive thinking voyage but because I have just always tried to see the positive in everything anyway, I think sometimes it is good to feel so ill because when you get better you appreciate the wellness so much more. Maybe I was taking it for granted in some way and the powers that be were just reigning me in a little. Ok so, lesson learnt and onwards and upwards....
Yes, another Christmas is almost upon us and am I ready for it? Am I heck! I can never seem to get organised enough to have everything over and done with before the 23rd Dec.
:( and yet my lady has got all her stuff done and ready which is a first from her as far as I know...well done to her I admire her skills and to be sure I shall get all my stuff ready before the event next year (I seem to remember saying that last year, and the year before lol). No, I shall actually make it one of my resolutions this year, as I am usually quite good at keeping my New Year resolutions.
Being so near to Christmas of course the X factor has very nearly played out and as usual the clear choice of talent has been superseded by Eurovision like political voting tactics. Last night it was Scotland that was called on to vote for one of their own, who incidentally has been coached in the Connery voice lisp which actually sounds quite ridiculous in one so young. He is no more than a child who will go through untold damage if he wins the competition, but then neither of the contestants left are suitable winning material - the boy due to his weak vocals and the woman, though undoubtedly possessing a truly remarkable voice and vocal range, due to her commitments to her very young children who will be neglected if she wins. Once again dear Reader another case of damage. The one who was the best suited to go through, the mature lad who would be able to take the fame in his stride and has not appeared too nervous but in fact has excelled under the pressure, was voted out during the tactical farce that went on last night. We shall see how it pans out - another Susan Boyle catastrophe in the offing??
Back to the hospital tomorrow to have my stitches removed at last :) then back to work on Tuesday all being well. When I went to the Docs on Friday to get my further course of antibiotics I was told that the reason I have been so poorly is that I had systemic blood poisoning! and that I was lucky not to have ended up in hospital on a drip!! Jeeze how easily these things can happen eh? Thank goodness I am ok now, I do have to say that not just because of my positive thinking voyage but because I have just always tried to see the positive in everything anyway, I think sometimes it is good to feel so ill because when you get better you appreciate the wellness so much more. Maybe I was taking it for granted in some way and the powers that be were just reigning me in a little. Ok so, lesson learnt and onwards and upwards....
Thursday, 12 December 2013
Surprises.....
Good evening to you,
Of course this is the time of year for surprises. What a fantastic surprise I got yesterday when I walked into my partner's house. Her lovely daughter who is something of a literary genius presented me with such a lovely Christmas Card, she wrote such a thoughtful little paragraph which makes me feel so very special and appreciated. I would so love to take her on as a step daughter as I wanted in the very beginning, not sure how my lovely lady will feel about this but I just had to give her a cuddle and a kiss for the meaningful words that I shall treasure always.
During my stay with my mum she (mum) has been so caring about my lady and she has really taken to her daughter too. She is hoping they will come for Christmas day but each time I mention it my lady fends it off which I have to say I find sad as she is also making the decision for the kids as well and I know that they would enjoy the family games and the traditional meal etc. Still I have to let her do what she wants of course and she will celebrate it in whichever way she sees fit I guess. Will this ever change I wonder? I hope so as I would like Christmas to be something the kids will grow to love like mine do rather than always remember it being a time to be sad as they will take whatever feelings they are being taught now through their lives and on to their own families in future.
It's interesting that I have once again been feeling quite poorly last night and today. I don't know what is wrong with me, I hate to keep dwelling on it but I don't do sickness well :( I absolutely hate it. I'm just a bloody big baby and keep complaining and making everyone aware of how miserable it makes me.
I really do have to get back to work next week as my money will be low and I was banking on the bonus to help me pay some of my credit card off. Jeeze when will I be able to be out of debt? I am playing the lottery online now so that I don't forget it and I don't miss it or lose the ticket if I win lol, yeah that would be me dear Reader! so near yet so far!! I've also signed up for the postcode lottery as I so need a windfall at the moment. When I'm properly on my feet I'm going to get my house ready to sell and get a smaller bungalow I think and free up some dosh to pay my debts then live within my means.
My lovely lady and I have agreed to buy each other a long weekend away for our Christmas present as that is something we shall both enjoy together. I have of course bought her a rather special bottle of her perfume too which I hope she will be thrilled with as its the biggest one you can get and it's eau de parfum not eau de toilette which is weaker and cheaper. I want to spoil her and wish I could afford to shower her with presents but I just haven't got the means to do it.
Oh well that's all from me at this time just a short one really just basically to say how delighted I am with the beautiful words written to me by an 11 year old :D .
Of course this is the time of year for surprises. What a fantastic surprise I got yesterday when I walked into my partner's house. Her lovely daughter who is something of a literary genius presented me with such a lovely Christmas Card, she wrote such a thoughtful little paragraph which makes me feel so very special and appreciated. I would so love to take her on as a step daughter as I wanted in the very beginning, not sure how my lovely lady will feel about this but I just had to give her a cuddle and a kiss for the meaningful words that I shall treasure always.
During my stay with my mum she (mum) has been so caring about my lady and she has really taken to her daughter too. She is hoping they will come for Christmas day but each time I mention it my lady fends it off which I have to say I find sad as she is also making the decision for the kids as well and I know that they would enjoy the family games and the traditional meal etc. Still I have to let her do what she wants of course and she will celebrate it in whichever way she sees fit I guess. Will this ever change I wonder? I hope so as I would like Christmas to be something the kids will grow to love like mine do rather than always remember it being a time to be sad as they will take whatever feelings they are being taught now through their lives and on to their own families in future.
It's interesting that I have once again been feeling quite poorly last night and today. I don't know what is wrong with me, I hate to keep dwelling on it but I don't do sickness well :( I absolutely hate it. I'm just a bloody big baby and keep complaining and making everyone aware of how miserable it makes me.
I really do have to get back to work next week as my money will be low and I was banking on the bonus to help me pay some of my credit card off. Jeeze when will I be able to be out of debt? I am playing the lottery online now so that I don't forget it and I don't miss it or lose the ticket if I win lol, yeah that would be me dear Reader! so near yet so far!! I've also signed up for the postcode lottery as I so need a windfall at the moment. When I'm properly on my feet I'm going to get my house ready to sell and get a smaller bungalow I think and free up some dosh to pay my debts then live within my means.
My lovely lady and I have agreed to buy each other a long weekend away for our Christmas present as that is something we shall both enjoy together. I have of course bought her a rather special bottle of her perfume too which I hope she will be thrilled with as its the biggest one you can get and it's eau de parfum not eau de toilette which is weaker and cheaper. I want to spoil her and wish I could afford to shower her with presents but I just haven't got the means to do it.
Oh well that's all from me at this time just a short one really just basically to say how delighted I am with the beautiful words written to me by an 11 year old :D .
Tuesday, 10 December 2013
Meh....
Good day dearest Reader
I did not post anything yesterday due to feeling like death warmed up, actually no, not that I think it was more like just dying. I woke early with a splitting headache and feeling very sick. It was so very bad I hardly knew what to do with myself to get some relief. Now bear in mind I was supposed to be going to the hospital yesterday to get my stitches removed and as I had hoped be signed back 'fit for work'.
After throwing up a few times and God only knows where all the crap came from as I hadn't eaten nor drunk anything so there was a lot of dry retching going on and of course I brought up my tablets which worried me more. Just 20 mins before my appointment time I made the decision to try and make it there, it was one of the most difficult things I have done (little bucket in hand). I managed to see the Registrar who took one look at me and the wound which was still open and said there was no way he would be taking the stitches out as it could all split open and even though I said I thought the antibiotics were making me ill he insisted that I carry on with them and also said I need a further course...so I have to make an appointment with the nurse on Weds, one of Fri when I must get another course of antibiotics and then return to see him again next Monday. I think the Adrenaline was coursing through my veins at the time and so thankfully I wasn't sick in there and no one even questioned my clutching my little bucket (lol).
Got out and was very nearly sick in the road :(, when you feel as bad as that dear Reader you actually couldn't give a flying cluck for where you are and nor who is looking on - rather like when you are about to give birth, nature just takes over....We go back to my mums and I was throwing up like a good 'un into my little bucket which I had to keep emptying - where was it all coming from???And with each episode a knife was stabbing through my brain - I seriously did think I could quite happily die rather than go through all that. I did think of all the people who must go through feeling like this when having Chemo treatment etc and I take my hat off to them. I don't think I could be that resilient.
On waking up this morning I knew I immediately felt better, I am not quite right but like a million zillion percent better than I felt yesterday :) life is good again and I can once again take on the world, well almost :)). Will carry on taking the anti emetic meds and hope for the best - I should be back to normal tomorrow :D,
So, other news...my lovely Lady went up to bonny Scotland to Gleneagles with work yesterday and is flying back today. I am looking forward to her being safely back on Terra Firma and although we had originally planned for me to go and stay over there tonight I think I shall stay here at my mother's as I want to feel completely well again before going over and I certainly don't want to spread or pass on any nasty germs to any of them. So will go over tomorrow afternoon and so I can be there for the babysitting in the evening and again on Thursday.
I am making plans once again in my head about selling my house and deciding the best thing to do with the proceeds, whether to buy another place or invest the money somewhere - my only fear being that if I don't buy another house/bungalow/flat then I may just go through the money and have zilch left for my retirement. Of course years ago that would not have worried me as my husband had always provided for us and our family and only since leaving him have I had to fend for myself completely, I'm still not really used to living hand to mouth or maybe its because I just don't earn enough to support my lifestyle.
I cant afford even to have my boiler serviced tho I guess if I sell my house I will have to do that for the legal bits to go through properly. I shall have fun getting the house ready for sale (NOT) lol
I did not post anything yesterday due to feeling like death warmed up, actually no, not that I think it was more like just dying. I woke early with a splitting headache and feeling very sick. It was so very bad I hardly knew what to do with myself to get some relief. Now bear in mind I was supposed to be going to the hospital yesterday to get my stitches removed and as I had hoped be signed back 'fit for work'.
After throwing up a few times and God only knows where all the crap came from as I hadn't eaten nor drunk anything so there was a lot of dry retching going on and of course I brought up my tablets which worried me more. Just 20 mins before my appointment time I made the decision to try and make it there, it was one of the most difficult things I have done (little bucket in hand). I managed to see the Registrar who took one look at me and the wound which was still open and said there was no way he would be taking the stitches out as it could all split open and even though I said I thought the antibiotics were making me ill he insisted that I carry on with them and also said I need a further course...so I have to make an appointment with the nurse on Weds, one of Fri when I must get another course of antibiotics and then return to see him again next Monday. I think the Adrenaline was coursing through my veins at the time and so thankfully I wasn't sick in there and no one even questioned my clutching my little bucket (lol).
Got out and was very nearly sick in the road :(, when you feel as bad as that dear Reader you actually couldn't give a flying cluck for where you are and nor who is looking on - rather like when you are about to give birth, nature just takes over....We go back to my mums and I was throwing up like a good 'un into my little bucket which I had to keep emptying - where was it all coming from???And with each episode a knife was stabbing through my brain - I seriously did think I could quite happily die rather than go through all that. I did think of all the people who must go through feeling like this when having Chemo treatment etc and I take my hat off to them. I don't think I could be that resilient.
On waking up this morning I knew I immediately felt better, I am not quite right but like a million zillion percent better than I felt yesterday :) life is good again and I can once again take on the world, well almost :)). Will carry on taking the anti emetic meds and hope for the best - I should be back to normal tomorrow :D,
So, other news...my lovely Lady went up to bonny Scotland to Gleneagles with work yesterday and is flying back today. I am looking forward to her being safely back on Terra Firma and although we had originally planned for me to go and stay over there tonight I think I shall stay here at my mother's as I want to feel completely well again before going over and I certainly don't want to spread or pass on any nasty germs to any of them. So will go over tomorrow afternoon and so I can be there for the babysitting in the evening and again on Thursday.
I am making plans once again in my head about selling my house and deciding the best thing to do with the proceeds, whether to buy another place or invest the money somewhere - my only fear being that if I don't buy another house/bungalow/flat then I may just go through the money and have zilch left for my retirement. Of course years ago that would not have worried me as my husband had always provided for us and our family and only since leaving him have I had to fend for myself completely, I'm still not really used to living hand to mouth or maybe its because I just don't earn enough to support my lifestyle.
I cant afford even to have my boiler serviced tho I guess if I sell my house I will have to do that for the legal bits to go through properly. I shall have fun getting the house ready for sale (NOT) lol
Sunday, 8 December 2013
Good mood...
Good evening peeps!
Can you tell I'm in a good mood? I bet you can :)) - what is the reason for this I hear you ask.... Well considering it's Sunday evening and I am back at my mother's and I won't be back together with my lovely lady until Tuesday as she is away with work up in Gleneagles in Scotland for the next couple of days, it is quite remarkable that my mood is so good.
BUT, guess what? I get my stitches out tomorrow :)) finally thank goodness I should be able to have a proper shower and a bath even!! How amazing that will be eh? I can also hopefully walk around a lot easier than I have been as the stitches are pulling each step I take. Also I didn't take any painkillers today until about ten mins ago so have done well there as well methinks, generally getting there - Hallelujah!!
I had a lovely afternoon today, sitting with my lady, watching Hangover 2 which was funny as hell and then I cooked a roast chicken dinner to top it all off which was absolutely lovely. I am looking forward on seeing the consultant tomorrow to get the low down on the next stage for healing and just hope that he signs me back to work so that I don't let the team down any more than I have already. I have already decided that I shall wait until about next October to get my other foot done so that I am not interfering with Period 11 at all.
I can't help but feel that I am a bloody burden to everyone at the moment and if I'm not asking for a lift somewhere then its carrying my bags around or putting me up, giving me a bed, doing my washing etc etc... I hate having to rely on anyone for these things but each of the people helping me I hope know only full well that I would be only too pleased to reciprocate and do the same if not more without a murmur and be so happy to do it for them. Love? It's unconditional and flowing, I love loving.
Can you tell I'm in a good mood? I bet you can :)) - what is the reason for this I hear you ask.... Well considering it's Sunday evening and I am back at my mother's and I won't be back together with my lovely lady until Tuesday as she is away with work up in Gleneagles in Scotland for the next couple of days, it is quite remarkable that my mood is so good.
BUT, guess what? I get my stitches out tomorrow :)) finally thank goodness I should be able to have a proper shower and a bath even!! How amazing that will be eh? I can also hopefully walk around a lot easier than I have been as the stitches are pulling each step I take. Also I didn't take any painkillers today until about ten mins ago so have done well there as well methinks, generally getting there - Hallelujah!!
I had a lovely afternoon today, sitting with my lady, watching Hangover 2 which was funny as hell and then I cooked a roast chicken dinner to top it all off which was absolutely lovely. I am looking forward on seeing the consultant tomorrow to get the low down on the next stage for healing and just hope that he signs me back to work so that I don't let the team down any more than I have already. I have already decided that I shall wait until about next October to get my other foot done so that I am not interfering with Period 11 at all.
I can't help but feel that I am a bloody burden to everyone at the moment and if I'm not asking for a lift somewhere then its carrying my bags around or putting me up, giving me a bed, doing my washing etc etc... I hate having to rely on anyone for these things but each of the people helping me I hope know only full well that I would be only too pleased to reciprocate and do the same if not more without a murmur and be so happy to do it for them. Love? It's unconditional and flowing, I love loving.
Saturday, 7 December 2013
It's Me Again!
Well, hello there!
Have I been spoiling you or what eh? Yep, here I am again, seems to be an almost daily blog now - don't get too used to it, lol I can assure you once I go back to work next week (hopefully) it won't last. Thankfully, did I hear you say? well, you have the choice to read or not to read it :)).
So, today I am going to put my thoughts down on a few topics....one of these being Facebook or Twitter....Now until very recently I have sided on the Fb side, but I do believe I am changing my viewpoint. I am quite enjoying tweeting and reading other tweets and whereas when I am on Fb I read and write largely from and to my own little circle on Twitter I am in touch instantly with the world and indeed reading offerings from the rich and famous with whom I can engage in conversation (if they choose to tweet back) or at least I know that they will read what I am writing to them, which is extremely satisfying. My lovely lady is also on Twitter but she doesn't write anything, merely a spectator sport for her. Who knows she may decided in the future to tweet herself (almost sounds a bit rude, lol) but other than a couple of RT's (Retweets) she has not ventured any further yet.
Another point I have been pondering is about whether the 'soul' pool is finite or infinite? If it is indeed finite then the Universe is a rather large prospective pool of souls to choose from and so it would be entirely possible in my mind that one that had led lives on other planets could reincarnate on earth and then grow into a person committing so called 'inhuman' crimes - does this explain how some of the worst crimes that we know of are committed? To me this makes sense, dear Reader but of course I realise some of you will be shaking your heads finally being convinced that I have at last proved I've lost the plot entirely! Lol, as if that would bother me.....:D I also think the reincarnation theory serves to explain such events as people being born in what they feel is the wrong body, the wrong gender as if you imagine that you had perhaps had 5 lives as a wo/man and then was suddenly propelled into a body of the opposite sex it might be difficult to get used to this and so leave you feeling uncomfortable at best unbearable at worst.
While I'm on the subject...am I ever off it, I hear you groan.... What is people's problem with another's sexuality? What has it got to do with anyone but themselves? Thankfully society is moving quite quickly now to a better level of acceptance and this is because the subject is basically being 'in your face' practically on a daily basis, this can only be good as people will get fed up with being 'shocked', this will subside into being 'surprised' which will subside into being a 'really?' comment and then not thought about any further. Those days are not far away, happily.
I dreamt last night that we were thinking of having a baby....my worry was that I would not be called mum by the baby so when I woke up I asked my lovely lady if we did would I be called mum and she said yes :)) am so happy about this I think I would want her to be called mum/my and me mom or mama. Just the thought is lovely really, now that's INCLUSIVE!! Yayy!! We're making progress, yessssss....
Have I been spoiling you or what eh? Yep, here I am again, seems to be an almost daily blog now - don't get too used to it, lol I can assure you once I go back to work next week (hopefully) it won't last. Thankfully, did I hear you say? well, you have the choice to read or not to read it :)).
So, today I am going to put my thoughts down on a few topics....one of these being Facebook or Twitter....Now until very recently I have sided on the Fb side, but I do believe I am changing my viewpoint. I am quite enjoying tweeting and reading other tweets and whereas when I am on Fb I read and write largely from and to my own little circle on Twitter I am in touch instantly with the world and indeed reading offerings from the rich and famous with whom I can engage in conversation (if they choose to tweet back) or at least I know that they will read what I am writing to them, which is extremely satisfying. My lovely lady is also on Twitter but she doesn't write anything, merely a spectator sport for her. Who knows she may decided in the future to tweet herself (almost sounds a bit rude, lol) but other than a couple of RT's (Retweets) she has not ventured any further yet.
Another point I have been pondering is about whether the 'soul' pool is finite or infinite? If it is indeed finite then the Universe is a rather large prospective pool of souls to choose from and so it would be entirely possible in my mind that one that had led lives on other planets could reincarnate on earth and then grow into a person committing so called 'inhuman' crimes - does this explain how some of the worst crimes that we know of are committed? To me this makes sense, dear Reader but of course I realise some of you will be shaking your heads finally being convinced that I have at last proved I've lost the plot entirely! Lol, as if that would bother me.....:D I also think the reincarnation theory serves to explain such events as people being born in what they feel is the wrong body, the wrong gender as if you imagine that you had perhaps had 5 lives as a wo/man and then was suddenly propelled into a body of the opposite sex it might be difficult to get used to this and so leave you feeling uncomfortable at best unbearable at worst.
While I'm on the subject...am I ever off it, I hear you groan.... What is people's problem with another's sexuality? What has it got to do with anyone but themselves? Thankfully society is moving quite quickly now to a better level of acceptance and this is because the subject is basically being 'in your face' practically on a daily basis, this can only be good as people will get fed up with being 'shocked', this will subside into being 'surprised' which will subside into being a 'really?' comment and then not thought about any further. Those days are not far away, happily.
I dreamt last night that we were thinking of having a baby....my worry was that I would not be called mum by the baby so when I woke up I asked my lovely lady if we did would I be called mum and she said yes :)) am so happy about this I think I would want her to be called mum/my and me mom or mama. Just the thought is lovely really, now that's INCLUSIVE!! Yayy!! We're making progress, yessssss....
Friday, 6 December 2013
Having a Moan....
Hello dear Reader,
I decided that my theme for blogging today would be having a moan....and before you raise your eyes to the heavens and mumble to yourself "what's new then?" I actually consider that moaning is therapeutic as I'm preventing myself getting a sore throat or hoarse voice (see a couple of posts previously for explanation, lol).
Yesterday was my lovely lady's birthday. I got her what she asked for and I wanted to get her a few little incidentals in a birthday bag to spoil her a little but due to the fact that I have been considerably more incapacitated by my foot op than I expected to be I was not able to go out like I wanted and get them :( - yep rubbish partner that I am, complete 'bloke' in the present department I could have been prepared and got them months ago but did I? NO!! So I thought I'd go online and get some flowers delivered, I ordered what I considered a lovely bouquet and upgraded to 'large' as opposed to regular and as I was going to be here at her's I decided as the kids were having their's delivered to work (thought that would absolutely delight her) I had mine delivered to the house. They arrived shortly after 9am in a box so I couldn't see them, the box looked quite small to me so I was a bit concerned about the size of the bouquet. I rang Interflora who checked the order and it was the upgraded one supplied so I thought maybe it was like a Tardis in the box, leastways I was hoping....
She texted that she had received the kid's flowers and was delighted phew!! Okay so far so good, well pleased with that and I knew they would be over the moon when they knew. SHe popped home at lunch time, I nervously waited for her to open the Interflora box, she did and got them out - - - - - - - It was not a Tardis like box, the flowers were fresh looking but I worked out that they actually charged approx. £8 per stem!! :( Now I know we give for the joy of giving, and it gives me great joy to give something I consider worth giving! But I have to offset the amount of work I do to earn the amount I spend on anything as I literally live from hand to mouth. The amount spent on the obviously very special bunch of flowers I could have bought her a couple of tops in Next or something else far more useful if only I had taken the time to be prepared before the event! I am so cross with myself but I am working on letting it go very quickly, hence this outpouring exercise of emotion to help facilitate this as I lost my positive thought mode for a bit and that's not a nice place to be once you get into the habit of thinking positively all the time. I need to get back to it.
Apart from this dear Reader, I shall never buy flowers for an occasion again as her sister capped the lot by having a humungous bunch of roses delivered to her that would make the hanging gardens of Babylon look lacking (she can afford it) - so all in all LESSON LEARNT!
Back to my calm, happy positive thinking mode :D...Have a good day y'all.
I decided that my theme for blogging today would be having a moan....and before you raise your eyes to the heavens and mumble to yourself "what's new then?" I actually consider that moaning is therapeutic as I'm preventing myself getting a sore throat or hoarse voice (see a couple of posts previously for explanation, lol).
Yesterday was my lovely lady's birthday. I got her what she asked for and I wanted to get her a few little incidentals in a birthday bag to spoil her a little but due to the fact that I have been considerably more incapacitated by my foot op than I expected to be I was not able to go out like I wanted and get them :( - yep rubbish partner that I am, complete 'bloke' in the present department I could have been prepared and got them months ago but did I? NO!! So I thought I'd go online and get some flowers delivered, I ordered what I considered a lovely bouquet and upgraded to 'large' as opposed to regular and as I was going to be here at her's I decided as the kids were having their's delivered to work (thought that would absolutely delight her) I had mine delivered to the house. They arrived shortly after 9am in a box so I couldn't see them, the box looked quite small to me so I was a bit concerned about the size of the bouquet. I rang Interflora who checked the order and it was the upgraded one supplied so I thought maybe it was like a Tardis in the box, leastways I was hoping....
She texted that she had received the kid's flowers and was delighted phew!! Okay so far so good, well pleased with that and I knew they would be over the moon when they knew. SHe popped home at lunch time, I nervously waited for her to open the Interflora box, she did and got them out - - - - - - - It was not a Tardis like box, the flowers were fresh looking but I worked out that they actually charged approx. £8 per stem!! :( Now I know we give for the joy of giving, and it gives me great joy to give something I consider worth giving! But I have to offset the amount of work I do to earn the amount I spend on anything as I literally live from hand to mouth. The amount spent on the obviously very special bunch of flowers I could have bought her a couple of tops in Next or something else far more useful if only I had taken the time to be prepared before the event! I am so cross with myself but I am working on letting it go very quickly, hence this outpouring exercise of emotion to help facilitate this as I lost my positive thought mode for a bit and that's not a nice place to be once you get into the habit of thinking positively all the time. I need to get back to it.
Apart from this dear Reader, I shall never buy flowers for an occasion again as her sister capped the lot by having a humungous bunch of roses delivered to her that would make the hanging gardens of Babylon look lacking (she can afford it) - so all in all LESSON LEARNT!
Back to my calm, happy positive thinking mode :D...Have a good day y'all.
Wednesday, 4 December 2013
Coming home...
Afternoon,
I was wondering what to write today's offering on but actually it came to me as soon as I set foot in the door at my partner's house. I felt/feel 'at home', not like a visitor, not like a guest but as though this is my home, OUR home and that is a very happy feeling for me. Home is certainly not and never has been about the four walls to me but where love is, where I love and am loved THAT is my definition of a 'home'.
I left my mum's around lunch time and in fact felt excited to leave there as I don't feel 'at home' there, bless her, she likes things to be a certain way and of course that's the way it should be but that unfortunately includes exuding a feeling that I am most certainly in HER space, interfering with HER ways. Try as I might I have not been able to get her to embrace my presence in HER home. This is so totally the opposite of how I am with my lot as, if I only had the money I would have us all living under one roof or at least in one area so that we could all interact constantly....THAT is HOME to me, the more friends and family the better...years ago when the kids were younger I always had an open house with their friends constantly in and out, eating with us, often staying with us and I could not have been happier than with that situation. This was somewhat of a bone of contention with my then husband as he hated having them there all the time, he also liked his own space, he sought a lone existence, which is why he used to go away on his own - to get away from us albeit that he would ring constantly to say how much he missed me...but let's face it words can say anything it's actions that actually speak the language and get the message across. He would book to go away on his own whenever he could.
Anyway I digress, I am feeling at home now even though I don't actually live here and I look forward to the day that we can manage to get a place of our own so that it will in fact be OUR home not hers or mine. Hopefully it won't be too long for us. We should have ironed out our differences by the time that happens I am sincerely hoping for this so that we don't have any problems once in our new place. We don't have much to iron out and all it boils down to for my side I think is that I want/need my partner to embrace our relationship openly without fear, without shame and be proud of who she is, who we are. TIme is moving on and with it more people are becoming educated in relation to same sex couples so it's just a matter of not making it a problem because it isn't a problem, it only becomes a problem if you make it one by thinking of it as one. Again power of positive thought - To change absolutely everything and anything in life you just have to change the way you think about it.
Simples!! lol...
A few years back we were all set to get married or at least CP'd but that fell by the way side somehow and I have said that I understand she doesn't want to do that which is fair enough. I am not going to insist on us getting married in the future if she doesn't want to so I have said I know we are not going down that avenue. However, if she ever proposed to me I think I might just surprise her by accepting :)) but it will remain unspoken from my side as I don't want to scare her off.
I was wondering what to write today's offering on but actually it came to me as soon as I set foot in the door at my partner's house. I felt/feel 'at home', not like a visitor, not like a guest but as though this is my home, OUR home and that is a very happy feeling for me. Home is certainly not and never has been about the four walls to me but where love is, where I love and am loved THAT is my definition of a 'home'.
I left my mum's around lunch time and in fact felt excited to leave there as I don't feel 'at home' there, bless her, she likes things to be a certain way and of course that's the way it should be but that unfortunately includes exuding a feeling that I am most certainly in HER space, interfering with HER ways. Try as I might I have not been able to get her to embrace my presence in HER home. This is so totally the opposite of how I am with my lot as, if I only had the money I would have us all living under one roof or at least in one area so that we could all interact constantly....THAT is HOME to me, the more friends and family the better...years ago when the kids were younger I always had an open house with their friends constantly in and out, eating with us, often staying with us and I could not have been happier than with that situation. This was somewhat of a bone of contention with my then husband as he hated having them there all the time, he also liked his own space, he sought a lone existence, which is why he used to go away on his own - to get away from us albeit that he would ring constantly to say how much he missed me...but let's face it words can say anything it's actions that actually speak the language and get the message across. He would book to go away on his own whenever he could.
Anyway I digress, I am feeling at home now even though I don't actually live here and I look forward to the day that we can manage to get a place of our own so that it will in fact be OUR home not hers or mine. Hopefully it won't be too long for us. We should have ironed out our differences by the time that happens I am sincerely hoping for this so that we don't have any problems once in our new place. We don't have much to iron out and all it boils down to for my side I think is that I want/need my partner to embrace our relationship openly without fear, without shame and be proud of who she is, who we are. TIme is moving on and with it more people are becoming educated in relation to same sex couples so it's just a matter of not making it a problem because it isn't a problem, it only becomes a problem if you make it one by thinking of it as one. Again power of positive thought - To change absolutely everything and anything in life you just have to change the way you think about it.
Simples!! lol...
A few years back we were all set to get married or at least CP'd but that fell by the way side somehow and I have said that I understand she doesn't want to do that which is fair enough. I am not going to insist on us getting married in the future if she doesn't want to so I have said I know we are not going down that avenue. However, if she ever proposed to me I think I might just surprise her by accepting :)) but it will remain unspoken from my side as I don't want to scare her off.
Tuesday, 3 December 2013
Psychosomatic Cause of Disease
Hello again!
I'm on a roll here I think...I guess as I haven't posted for such a long time and once I get back to work I may not have time to post again as regularly as I'd like so I shall 'make hay while the sun shines' :D
When I was first introduced to this concept I thought it was completely ridiculous! But the person who introduced me to it gave me a little book called 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise Hay and told me just to look up any symptoms I may suffer from and read with an open mind and just see what I thought....as this was not a 'hard sell' type of thing I did just that and from that time on I just flicked through the book looking up any symptoms I ever suffered and once I had thought about what I was reading and started to understand why the symptoms were manifesting themselves I began to be able to sort out ridding myself of them...it is that easy!! If I get a hoarse voice or lose my voice I know I have something that I am unable to voice, for whatever reason and so I go and say whatever I need to and low and behold the symptoms clear and I am 'well' again.
The symptom list are quite self explanatory once you get used to them - ears are something you don't want to hear, eyes something you don't want to see, constipation - what are you not letting go of, sickness, diarrhoea - fear, fear, fear, colds - too much going on, arthritis - feeling unloved, anything with feet, legs are being unsure of the next step forward (ie the future) so you may see dear Reader how this works out.
Using this knowledge together with the Power of Positive Thought and I think we may have stumbled upon the secret of life :)) or least ways how to live life to optimal level. Try it for yourself if you so choose, let's face it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Bye for now, until next time...
I'm on a roll here I think...I guess as I haven't posted for such a long time and once I get back to work I may not have time to post again as regularly as I'd like so I shall 'make hay while the sun shines' :D
When I was first introduced to this concept I thought it was completely ridiculous! But the person who introduced me to it gave me a little book called 'You Can Heal Your Life' by Louise Hay and told me just to look up any symptoms I may suffer from and read with an open mind and just see what I thought....as this was not a 'hard sell' type of thing I did just that and from that time on I just flicked through the book looking up any symptoms I ever suffered and once I had thought about what I was reading and started to understand why the symptoms were manifesting themselves I began to be able to sort out ridding myself of them...it is that easy!! If I get a hoarse voice or lose my voice I know I have something that I am unable to voice, for whatever reason and so I go and say whatever I need to and low and behold the symptoms clear and I am 'well' again.
The symptom list are quite self explanatory once you get used to them - ears are something you don't want to hear, eyes something you don't want to see, constipation - what are you not letting go of, sickness, diarrhoea - fear, fear, fear, colds - too much going on, arthritis - feeling unloved, anything with feet, legs are being unsure of the next step forward (ie the future) so you may see dear Reader how this works out.
Using this knowledge together with the Power of Positive Thought and I think we may have stumbled upon the secret of life :)) or least ways how to live life to optimal level. Try it for yourself if you so choose, let's face it, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
Bye for now, until next time...
Positive Thinking......
Good afternoon :))
Okay...so yesterday I think I did a bit too much on my feet :( woke up in pain this morning :( am resting it up again, hope I haven't spoilt the healing that was under way already...
So last night before turning in I saw on Twitter that Olympian diver Tom Daley has 'come out' and I feel so happy for him that something he has obviously been tormented about for quite a while which was disturbing his inner peace and happiness he has finally decided to do the right thing and just be honest about himself...this is like a follow on from a previous post coz it has been what I have been talking about. Well done Tom and many congratulations that you now have proper inner peace and happiness, the more high profile people do this the more courage it will lend to those mere mortals who for whatever reason are still too frightened of being true to themselves and those they love.
This brings me to the Power of Positive Thought...of course dear Reader I shall explain how I have been brought to this at this point....statement: Approx 2 weeks ago my daughter-in-law had a birthday party, my partner and I attended as did my daughter, her boyfriend and my other son and his lady, who brought her two children along...as the evening progressed my younger son and my daughter got completely hammered but the bonding between all three of my children was a delight to behold, each of them had a great time and altogether we had an excellent family fun evening. It was unfortunate that my partner had allowed herself to get upset by something/s my daughter had said/done and had decided that she would not participate in the dancing and general jollity of the event and so stayed in a small room off the hall where the dancing was being held. With her was my younger son's lady and one of her children - an 11 year old daughter ( clingy and controlling at the best of times, downright monstrous at the worst), her other daughter a delightful 9 year old was having a whale of a time joining in with the general celebrations and dancing etc. I am not digressing here merely setting the scene for you.
At the close of the evening we said our goodbyes, I had arranged for my daughter to stay with my son and his wife as I was extremely worried in case she might be sick in my partner's car for which I felt I would no doubt get the brunt of and I did not want our weekend to be spoilt like this. As it happened we had our own 'stuff' to sort out with me not understanding why she would not allow herself to get into the spirit of the event and enjoy herself and her for some unknown reason not understanding why I wanted her to be with me and enjoy the evening with me. (Actually, as I write this and read it back I do wonder if I were a Reader what on earth I would think about this as it would seem to me that she may not be in love with me after all, but dear Reader I DO KNOW she loves me, she just has a hard time allowing herself to let go in that direction at times).
Sooo, apart from our little discussion which took a couple of days to get over my younger son's lady actually broke up with him that night!! Now, there is no doubt about it, he was very drunk, and by all accord was sick on the way home (not in the car I hasten to add) but all in all he was quite ill and we could not understand why she broke up with him over it.....He had only a few months back nursed her through a really bad time after she got completely wellied and threw up all night everywhere and he looked after her very well. SO what was the difference??
The following days were really upsetting for him and I know I have never seen him brought as low as he was then, he very nearly took his own life as it hurt him too much at that point to carry on...thankfully on writing a 4 page suicide letter he found the will to carry on and started reading a book he has had for a few years but never read... that book changed his life around. You may think that I should have got him to read it way before this point in his life but as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water......The book is called The Power by Rhonda Byrne, it is all about the power of positive thought and it is a subject that has always been very close to my heart but of course who would listen to their mother when they can learn through bitter experience?
Since I have seen the complete change in him I have indeed been re reading it myself and implementing it in my life too and it is working well. I have even managed to introduce it to my partner as I feel it will do her the world of good too. Let's face it who wouldn't benefit?? So now going forward we are going to be completely more positive about things and watch this space coz I shall report on each and every thing that I see coming my way through this power that we can all harness and use - it is not a special thing it is there for our use, to help us get the type of life we would like to have, it is all possible and within our grasp if only we want it enough and can visualise it. Imagine it and it is yours, if you let a doubt slip in then you won't get it :(
Okay...so yesterday I think I did a bit too much on my feet :( woke up in pain this morning :( am resting it up again, hope I haven't spoilt the healing that was under way already...
So last night before turning in I saw on Twitter that Olympian diver Tom Daley has 'come out' and I feel so happy for him that something he has obviously been tormented about for quite a while which was disturbing his inner peace and happiness he has finally decided to do the right thing and just be honest about himself...this is like a follow on from a previous post coz it has been what I have been talking about. Well done Tom and many congratulations that you now have proper inner peace and happiness, the more high profile people do this the more courage it will lend to those mere mortals who for whatever reason are still too frightened of being true to themselves and those they love.
This brings me to the Power of Positive Thought...of course dear Reader I shall explain how I have been brought to this at this point....statement: Approx 2 weeks ago my daughter-in-law had a birthday party, my partner and I attended as did my daughter, her boyfriend and my other son and his lady, who brought her two children along...as the evening progressed my younger son and my daughter got completely hammered but the bonding between all three of my children was a delight to behold, each of them had a great time and altogether we had an excellent family fun evening. It was unfortunate that my partner had allowed herself to get upset by something/s my daughter had said/done and had decided that she would not participate in the dancing and general jollity of the event and so stayed in a small room off the hall where the dancing was being held. With her was my younger son's lady and one of her children - an 11 year old daughter ( clingy and controlling at the best of times, downright monstrous at the worst), her other daughter a delightful 9 year old was having a whale of a time joining in with the general celebrations and dancing etc. I am not digressing here merely setting the scene for you.
At the close of the evening we said our goodbyes, I had arranged for my daughter to stay with my son and his wife as I was extremely worried in case she might be sick in my partner's car for which I felt I would no doubt get the brunt of and I did not want our weekend to be spoilt like this. As it happened we had our own 'stuff' to sort out with me not understanding why she would not allow herself to get into the spirit of the event and enjoy herself and her for some unknown reason not understanding why I wanted her to be with me and enjoy the evening with me. (Actually, as I write this and read it back I do wonder if I were a Reader what on earth I would think about this as it would seem to me that she may not be in love with me after all, but dear Reader I DO KNOW she loves me, she just has a hard time allowing herself to let go in that direction at times).
Sooo, apart from our little discussion which took a couple of days to get over my younger son's lady actually broke up with him that night!! Now, there is no doubt about it, he was very drunk, and by all accord was sick on the way home (not in the car I hasten to add) but all in all he was quite ill and we could not understand why she broke up with him over it.....He had only a few months back nursed her through a really bad time after she got completely wellied and threw up all night everywhere and he looked after her very well. SO what was the difference??
The following days were really upsetting for him and I know I have never seen him brought as low as he was then, he very nearly took his own life as it hurt him too much at that point to carry on...thankfully on writing a 4 page suicide letter he found the will to carry on and started reading a book he has had for a few years but never read... that book changed his life around. You may think that I should have got him to read it way before this point in his life but as the saying goes you can lead a horse to water......The book is called The Power by Rhonda Byrne, it is all about the power of positive thought and it is a subject that has always been very close to my heart but of course who would listen to their mother when they can learn through bitter experience?
Since I have seen the complete change in him I have indeed been re reading it myself and implementing it in my life too and it is working well. I have even managed to introduce it to my partner as I feel it will do her the world of good too. Let's face it who wouldn't benefit?? So now going forward we are going to be completely more positive about things and watch this space coz I shall report on each and every thing that I see coming my way through this power that we can all harness and use - it is not a special thing it is there for our use, to help us get the type of life we would like to have, it is all possible and within our grasp if only we want it enough and can visualise it. Imagine it and it is yours, if you let a doubt slip in then you won't get it :(
Monday, 2 December 2013
Post operatively speaking....
Hello again dear Reader!
Well, after having written a draft and forgotten about it now have published it and with a little time on my hands I am going to spoil you a bit....
For those unaware of my day to day living, I had an operation on my right foot last Tuesday and since then I have been living in between my mother's bungalow and my gf's house. The advantage at mother's is of course no stairs and a double bed all to myself so no fear of the foot getting in the way.
I have realised I could never actually live with my mother...much as I love her of course but she is 83 and rather set in her ways...like when she wakes up she immediately puts her radio onto radio 8 or some other such droning monotonous talking programme which she has blaring out (as she is a little hard of hearing #understatement!!) so for example it was 04.48 last Thursday morning....and then actually 02.32 Friday morning and when I jumped out of bed as I literally thought that the clock radio alarm had gone off by accident that early she was quite miffed that I asked her if everything was alright. She refused to shut her bedroom door as she said she doesn't like it shut and then was very short with me for having brought it to her attention that it was the neighbours I was concerned about as she has a semi not a detached residence. These things are sent to try us so they say and I have been reminded that she doesn't have the tv on during the day, hence I am doing anything rather than putting it on in case that will annoy her and I wouldn't dream of mentioning the fact that her keeping the bathroom door open when she goes to the loo makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, for fear of being accused of being ungrateful or some other such nasty sentiment.
I have been aware from a very early age that I am not her favourite person, unlike my daughter who can do absolutely anything and still be flavour of the month, closely followed by my younger son and then of course the oldest, then my ex, his new wife, etc etc actually not sure I figure in the table at all unless it's right at then end....it's ok dear reader I am not asking for any sympathy I accept it as it has always been this way.
It was lovely to be collected by my partner and actually feel wanted in the house and I had my confidence restored in myself somewhat that I was not in fact a total waste of space, nor a waste of emotion and that my cuddles were wanted, needed and reciprocated, I was wrapped in loving arms and it was truly wonderful. I have decided to return there on Weds until Sunday and then hopefully after having my stitches out on Monday I should be able to return to work on the following day (Tuesday). After that I am going to try and return home as I feel so much better already I think I should be right as rain once another week has gone by.
It just strikes me as a bit sad that whereas I would have my lot living with me if I could get a place big enough, my own mother can't wait to be rid of me from her home...that is sad but it's life so just have to get on with it. How odd that someone so totally 'inclusive' can be born of someone so totally 'exclusive'....I seem to struggle with this on different levels...
Well, after having written a draft and forgotten about it now have published it and with a little time on my hands I am going to spoil you a bit....
For those unaware of my day to day living, I had an operation on my right foot last Tuesday and since then I have been living in between my mother's bungalow and my gf's house. The advantage at mother's is of course no stairs and a double bed all to myself so no fear of the foot getting in the way.
I have realised I could never actually live with my mother...much as I love her of course but she is 83 and rather set in her ways...like when she wakes up she immediately puts her radio onto radio 8 or some other such droning monotonous talking programme which she has blaring out (as she is a little hard of hearing #understatement!!) so for example it was 04.48 last Thursday morning....and then actually 02.32 Friday morning and when I jumped out of bed as I literally thought that the clock radio alarm had gone off by accident that early she was quite miffed that I asked her if everything was alright. She refused to shut her bedroom door as she said she doesn't like it shut and then was very short with me for having brought it to her attention that it was the neighbours I was concerned about as she has a semi not a detached residence. These things are sent to try us so they say and I have been reminded that she doesn't have the tv on during the day, hence I am doing anything rather than putting it on in case that will annoy her and I wouldn't dream of mentioning the fact that her keeping the bathroom door open when she goes to the loo makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, for fear of being accused of being ungrateful or some other such nasty sentiment.
I have been aware from a very early age that I am not her favourite person, unlike my daughter who can do absolutely anything and still be flavour of the month, closely followed by my younger son and then of course the oldest, then my ex, his new wife, etc etc actually not sure I figure in the table at all unless it's right at then end....it's ok dear reader I am not asking for any sympathy I accept it as it has always been this way.
It was lovely to be collected by my partner and actually feel wanted in the house and I had my confidence restored in myself somewhat that I was not in fact a total waste of space, nor a waste of emotion and that my cuddles were wanted, needed and reciprocated, I was wrapped in loving arms and it was truly wonderful. I have decided to return there on Weds until Sunday and then hopefully after having my stitches out on Monday I should be able to return to work on the following day (Tuesday). After that I am going to try and return home as I feel so much better already I think I should be right as rain once another week has gone by.
It just strikes me as a bit sad that whereas I would have my lot living with me if I could get a place big enough, my own mother can't wait to be rid of me from her home...that is sad but it's life so just have to get on with it. How odd that someone so totally 'inclusive' can be born of someone so totally 'exclusive'....I seem to struggle with this on different levels...
If at first you don't succeed,,,,,,
Goooood morning dear Reader!!
Yes, yes I know it's been a long time but then I honestly and truly don't get much time for blogging, or anything much else tbh... Still, I'm not a defeatist and here I am trying to blog something I hope will be found to be worth reading however I guess that depends on where your interests lie...also not promising to blog regularly this time (been there done that and failed miserably, lol). So to work.....where to start as I have been away from this rather a long time and got lots to catch you up on dearest reader, if you are still with me.....
Well, I have been working now for 16 months for a good company who actually shows appreciation for their staff, we get jollies, bonuses and generally rewarded for hard work. What a difference eh? I was fortunate being offered a place as a temporary maternity cover which when that came to an end I took on a permanent position and am quite settled in that. I had a little worry along the way as everyone I spoke to was saying don't worry there will be a job for you at the end of the time but the one I most wanted the comfort from, the love of my life and partner just said "You always knew it was only a temp position!" Why? say that? Why, when you would think that she would want to help alleviate my concern, help settle my mind she was totally hard hearted, and seemingly uncaring in her harsh words....yes, as it turns out there were 2 positions available when I applied but in the months leading up to that stage I was living in fear of being without work again, how easy that would have been to console me.....There are many times when I feel hurt by things that are said carelessly/needlessly and I always think..what would I say in that position? I always try to treat others the way I would wish to be treated, but maybe I just become too nice, too kind - is there such a thing? These things are indeed sent to try us I guess for although we have been in our relationship now for 5 years and 6 months the one big problem that we seem to have is the fact that we are half living a lie.....and the worst thing about this is that she is making me live a lie. Let me explain dear reader, when we first got together we were soooo in love, total soul sisters, our interests were one and the same for the main part and we very gently grew our relationship from purely platonic to very passionate physical (it still is often!!) over the first 8 months or so.
From the outset I have been honest with my side (friends/family) not without concern for the result but Love is enough became my motto and I felt (feel) that if there was anyone who would want to cut me loose or be horrible then it would be sad but as the saying goes LOVE IS ENOUGH and I have clung to that all the way through. The one big problem we have is that my partner, love of my life, has not been and is not being honest with people about us and as we work in the same company this is causing me to have to lie about our relationship which I hate doing. So many things go through my mind dear reader, is she ashamed of me? Have I got it wrong and maybe I should feel disgusted with myself for loving a same sex person? But again for me Love Is Enough - it dawned on me a little while ago that sadly for her (obviously) Love in NOT enough and I find this so sad, it hurts me to my core, it burns and eats away at me that I put her name with mine in cards/on presents but I am nowhere to be seen on hers. I always want to do things with her not without her but I am constantly reminded that she wants to do things separately...why?? It's something I can't understand fully, I spent a lifetime with a man who would use the personal pronoun 'I' rather than 'we' and once again I find this happening. More importantly recently she has a new friend who she has not told and so is being a completely different persona to while purporting to be a close friend??? How does this work? She assures me there is nothing more to it but then why should she be so secretive about us? If I were a man in a relationship with her I would be concerned about her not telling another guy that we were in a relationship - is that not one and the same thing?? She has compared it to me having a lunch with a work colleague !! Difference is though that the only reason I have not yet told this colleague is because my partner does not want her to know NOT that I don't want her to know....big difference really.
If true love is unconditional and we are led to believe it should be then why should it matter that we are the same gender? I know I fell in love with a person, a soul a wonderful spirit and that love is unconditional but I am not receiving unconditional love back and this hurts, and more importantly makes me question my feelings for myself as if I am accepting anything less than I feel I deserve then I am letting myself down and not loving myself and respecting myself the way I should be. I am hoping she will overcome her fears whatever they are so that our love can be truly complete and totally unconditional.
I am quite highly principled in life, does this come with age?? No, I don't think so I think this comes with loving yourself and being happy with who you are My love did not want to tell her dear mum or her sister, but you know what? I remember very clearly after she did this and she said in no uncertain terms that she felt so much better afterwards and guess what - did she have any catastrophes after she told them? No, nothing bad happened, life carried on and we all got on very well. Then she told a couple of friends and what happened? Was there a nuclear war? A tsunami that wiped out Northampton? No, nothing bad happened. So what is the problem?? Now, she always says that it's not anyone's business and I agree wholeheartedly and then goes on to say that I want her to shout it from the rooftops - but actually I don't want her to do that - I just want her to be like anyone else is about their relationship - who hides theirs??? No one! People don't have to shout about it but just be honest! Stop living a lie and like everyone else I think the more normal people are about their relationships the more normal they are accepted as such - when someone starts to hide these things it tempts criticism and scorn....for me if anyone has a problem with it then that is clearly THEIR problem and should not be ours. So I am hoping that as my tattoo says Love Is Enough and for me it is, I hope and pray that she will find that instead of Love is NOT Enough for her that she will decide, that like for me Love Is Enough.
Yes, yes I know it's been a long time but then I honestly and truly don't get much time for blogging, or anything much else tbh... Still, I'm not a defeatist and here I am trying to blog something I hope will be found to be worth reading however I guess that depends on where your interests lie...also not promising to blog regularly this time (been there done that and failed miserably, lol). So to work.....where to start as I have been away from this rather a long time and got lots to catch you up on dearest reader, if you are still with me.....
Well, I have been working now for 16 months for a good company who actually shows appreciation for their staff, we get jollies, bonuses and generally rewarded for hard work. What a difference eh? I was fortunate being offered a place as a temporary maternity cover which when that came to an end I took on a permanent position and am quite settled in that. I had a little worry along the way as everyone I spoke to was saying don't worry there will be a job for you at the end of the time but the one I most wanted the comfort from, the love of my life and partner just said "You always knew it was only a temp position!" Why? say that? Why, when you would think that she would want to help alleviate my concern, help settle my mind she was totally hard hearted, and seemingly uncaring in her harsh words....yes, as it turns out there were 2 positions available when I applied but in the months leading up to that stage I was living in fear of being without work again, how easy that would have been to console me.....There are many times when I feel hurt by things that are said carelessly/needlessly and I always think..what would I say in that position? I always try to treat others the way I would wish to be treated, but maybe I just become too nice, too kind - is there such a thing? These things are indeed sent to try us I guess for although we have been in our relationship now for 5 years and 6 months the one big problem that we seem to have is the fact that we are half living a lie.....and the worst thing about this is that she is making me live a lie. Let me explain dear reader, when we first got together we were soooo in love, total soul sisters, our interests were one and the same for the main part and we very gently grew our relationship from purely platonic to very passionate physical (it still is often!!) over the first 8 months or so.
From the outset I have been honest with my side (friends/family) not without concern for the result but Love is enough became my motto and I felt (feel) that if there was anyone who would want to cut me loose or be horrible then it would be sad but as the saying goes LOVE IS ENOUGH and I have clung to that all the way through. The one big problem we have is that my partner, love of my life, has not been and is not being honest with people about us and as we work in the same company this is causing me to have to lie about our relationship which I hate doing. So many things go through my mind dear reader, is she ashamed of me? Have I got it wrong and maybe I should feel disgusted with myself for loving a same sex person? But again for me Love Is Enough - it dawned on me a little while ago that sadly for her (obviously) Love in NOT enough and I find this so sad, it hurts me to my core, it burns and eats away at me that I put her name with mine in cards/on presents but I am nowhere to be seen on hers. I always want to do things with her not without her but I am constantly reminded that she wants to do things separately...why?? It's something I can't understand fully, I spent a lifetime with a man who would use the personal pronoun 'I' rather than 'we' and once again I find this happening. More importantly recently she has a new friend who she has not told and so is being a completely different persona to while purporting to be a close friend??? How does this work? She assures me there is nothing more to it but then why should she be so secretive about us? If I were a man in a relationship with her I would be concerned about her not telling another guy that we were in a relationship - is that not one and the same thing?? She has compared it to me having a lunch with a work colleague !! Difference is though that the only reason I have not yet told this colleague is because my partner does not want her to know NOT that I don't want her to know....big difference really.
If true love is unconditional and we are led to believe it should be then why should it matter that we are the same gender? I know I fell in love with a person, a soul a wonderful spirit and that love is unconditional but I am not receiving unconditional love back and this hurts, and more importantly makes me question my feelings for myself as if I am accepting anything less than I feel I deserve then I am letting myself down and not loving myself and respecting myself the way I should be. I am hoping she will overcome her fears whatever they are so that our love can be truly complete and totally unconditional.
I am quite highly principled in life, does this come with age?? No, I don't think so I think this comes with loving yourself and being happy with who you are My love did not want to tell her dear mum or her sister, but you know what? I remember very clearly after she did this and she said in no uncertain terms that she felt so much better afterwards and guess what - did she have any catastrophes after she told them? No, nothing bad happened, life carried on and we all got on very well. Then she told a couple of friends and what happened? Was there a nuclear war? A tsunami that wiped out Northampton? No, nothing bad happened. So what is the problem?? Now, she always says that it's not anyone's business and I agree wholeheartedly and then goes on to say that I want her to shout it from the rooftops - but actually I don't want her to do that - I just want her to be like anyone else is about their relationship - who hides theirs??? No one! People don't have to shout about it but just be honest! Stop living a lie and like everyone else I think the more normal people are about their relationships the more normal they are accepted as such - when someone starts to hide these things it tempts criticism and scorn....for me if anyone has a problem with it then that is clearly THEIR problem and should not be ours. So I am hoping that as my tattoo says Love Is Enough and for me it is, I hope and pray that she will find that instead of Love is NOT Enough for her that she will decide, that like for me Love Is Enough.
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