Hello again dear Reader!
Well, after having written a draft and forgotten about it now have published it and with a little time on my hands I am going to spoil you a bit....
For those unaware of my day to day living, I had an operation on my right foot last Tuesday and since then I have been living in between my mother's bungalow and my gf's house. The advantage at mother's is of course no stairs and a double bed all to myself so no fear of the foot getting in the way.
I have realised I could never actually live with my mother...much as I love her of course but she is 83 and rather set in her ways...like when she wakes up she immediately puts her radio onto radio 8 or some other such droning monotonous talking programme which she has blaring out (as she is a little hard of hearing #understatement!!) so for example it was 04.48 last Thursday morning....and then actually 02.32 Friday morning and when I jumped out of bed as I literally thought that the clock radio alarm had gone off by accident that early she was quite miffed that I asked her if everything was alright. She refused to shut her bedroom door as she said she doesn't like it shut and then was very short with me for having brought it to her attention that it was the neighbours I was concerned about as she has a semi not a detached residence. These things are sent to try us so they say and I have been reminded that she doesn't have the tv on during the day, hence I am doing anything rather than putting it on in case that will annoy her and I wouldn't dream of mentioning the fact that her keeping the bathroom door open when she goes to the loo makes me feel slightly uncomfortable, for fear of being accused of being ungrateful or some other such nasty sentiment.
I have been aware from a very early age that I am not her favourite person, unlike my daughter who can do absolutely anything and still be flavour of the month, closely followed by my younger son and then of course the oldest, then my ex, his new wife, etc etc actually not sure I figure in the table at all unless it's right at then end....it's ok dear reader I am not asking for any sympathy I accept it as it has always been this way.
It was lovely to be collected by my partner and actually feel wanted in the house and I had my confidence restored in myself somewhat that I was not in fact a total waste of space, nor a waste of emotion and that my cuddles were wanted, needed and reciprocated, I was wrapped in loving arms and it was truly wonderful. I have decided to return there on Weds until Sunday and then hopefully after having my stitches out on Monday I should be able to return to work on the following day (Tuesday). After that I am going to try and return home as I feel so much better already I think I should be right as rain once another week has gone by.
It just strikes me as a bit sad that whereas I would have my lot living with me if I could get a place big enough, my own mother can't wait to be rid of me from her home...that is sad but it's life so just have to get on with it. How odd that someone so totally 'inclusive' can be born of someone so totally 'exclusive'....I seem to struggle with this on different levels...
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